Tag Archives: ramblings

one of those test things…


I took one of those tests on facebook.  It was “what does your taste in music say about you.”

This is what it said about me;

You enjoy edgy, aggressive, and assertive music – all words we would use to describe you as well. Not one for “gentle” or “simple” music, your tastes lean toward music that fulfills certain wants and desires you may have either consciously or subconsciously. Many psychological studies have drawn similarities between individuals who enjoy classical music, and those who enjoy metal/hard rock – all of this research standing true with you. You are reserved and introverted yet extremely intelligent and observant – taking in your environment like a sponge. You have very (and we mean VERY) little patience for ignorance, stupidity, and people who take advantage of the less-fortunate. Above all else, you value controlling your own life and choices – and detest anyone else attempting to make them for you. Independence is key!

And I copied and pasted it to Andy and this is part of what he said,

 As far as the Face book test. Actually I think it’s pretty close.  Edgy can mean many different things and in your case you are to some extent edgy.  Very independent, like to have control of your life choices, and take in your surroundings well.
   This may not have been how you saw yourself when you were married but things have changed and I am sure you have. You may have not realized that you did but you’ve made some big changes in your life that maybe overshadowed some of the mental changes you’ve made.


The letter


So my mother can’t contact me any other way so she sent me a letter.  It was not a letter of apology.  It was hate filled.  She said I was just being self-centered and vindictive.  Okay.  So I let several people read the letter that know what’s going on and so far not a single person thinks she’s right.  My first cousin (on my father’s side) was floored.  Her daughter-in-law was horrified.

I can’t say that I’m totally surprised by it.  She’s always been hateful and when she makes somebody mad she turns it around and makes it the person who is mad’s fault.  She’s made my sister mad and it was her fault for being mad.  She’s made my Aunt mad and it’s her fault for being mad. So now it’s my fault for being mad.  As far as I know she’s never apologized for a damn thing in her whole life.

She made her choice and now she can just live with it.  The letter sealed it.  I’m done with her, and when I’m done, I’m done.

I do know that for the very first time in my whole fucking life somebody thinks of me first.  SfB sure as hell never did.  He was about as inconsiderate as a person could be.  And of course being a woman, the kids and husband always came first, were always considered first.  Now my kids are grown and it’s just me.  So now, I’m first.  But, just putting yourself first isn’t being self-centered.  I lived with Mr self-centered and inconsiderate for 22 years.  I definitely know the difference.

fake out


I faked out the dating web site’s computer and got my phone number to a man that had sent me messages thru the website but wasn’t a paid member.  When you’re not a member you can only see subject lines.  I can say a whole lot on one line!!  So, i paid for one month and sent my phone number to him as words.

I *really* have my fingers crossed this happens.

Karma’s a Bitch…

(I wrote this as an email to somebody.  I edited it a little.  I didn’t want to lose it though so I posted it here.)
    Just ask Bill.  It cracks me up now although at the time I was seriously pissed.
    We had moved to Oklahoma in August of 2008.  He had been there for a couple of months by himself and apparently got addicted to internet porn and was on several dating sites.  So around March of 2009 I was on my way over to Liberal to get groceries when he called me on the cell phone and wanted to know if we had a mouse that worked with the laptop.  I couldn’t figure out what the hell he was talking about so I said I’d fix it when I got home.  By the time I got home he had already left for work.  I got everything put away and then sat down to take a look at the laptop.  When I opened it, it said it was locked.  It had never been locked before.  So I closed it and went to my sewing room and my computer.  Eventually my brain kicked in and told me that I was the one that set up his email and I knew the password.  Sooo, I logged into his email and his inbox was totally empty.  So I looked in the trash.  It was all there.  There were a couple of weeks worth of chats and emails with a … well for now I’ll say woman.  Anyway, so I read thru a lot of it and it was soooooooooo 3rd grade and stupid that it was just laughable.  I think the part that pissed me off the most was he was planning on sending “her” money and they were going to meet at my oldest son’s in Colorado.  (I know Son 1, he wouldn’t have had any part of it)  Anyway, I called him at work and told him we had a problem and he needed to get his ass home.  Over the course of the next two or three days he told me that her “brother” would call him on the cell phone to tell him when to go chat on the laptop because in their “culture” women weren’t allowed to talk to me on the phone.  Yeah, he was chatting with a man the whole time.  Karma 1, Bill 0.
   I think the moral of this part is, empty the trash too.  LOL
    Then a couple of months or so later I had a friend in Guymon that was going to go file for a divorce and was going to a lawyer in Liberal and she wanted me to go with her.  It was on a Friday afternoon and we had gotten one of those car dealership things in the mail that has the key to come in and see if you win the vehicle.  Bill was going to go to Garden and see one of his friends so he decided he would stop and see if he won the vehicle.  He traded his truck for a $17K giant ass Ford truck.  He didn’t have a clue if we could make the payment or insurance or afford for him to drive it to work.  That made me even madder than the “girlfriend” did.  He’s seriously lucky I didn’t bash him in the back of the head with a shovel and shove his ass off into the septic tank.  But they pump those things every so often, so he lived.  Then we moved to Greeley Colorado (July 4th, 2010) and on the way we got trapped in the hail storm on I-70 just past Limon.  It did $6K damage to that truck and we just fixed the lights and put the rest on the loan so that brought how much we owed way down on it.  We were only in Greeley a total of 9 months and moved back to Liberal.  Since the drive for him to go to work was now 40 miles we couldn’t afford for him to drive the truck so he was driving MY car!!!  So I made him go trade it off and since he was feeling contrite when we traded it off he put my name on the title to the car. (2008 Pontiac G6)  It wasn’t on the title of the truck because I wasn’t there when he bought it.  In Kansas you can put two names on a title as and/or and only one person has to sign then to sell it.  He ended up living in the car here in Garden last winter. (Sept ’13 to May ’14)  I was putting gas in it so he could run the heater at night but after it warmed up some I quit paying for the gas.  He couldn’t put gas in it of course so it ended up parked.  I got this letter in the mail from Seaboard Foods that said he had a $187 uncashed check and if would sign the letter and get it notarized they would send it to him.  I called the guy he was staying with and told him if Bill brought the car back I would give him the letter.  It took him a week and a half to get the junk out of the car and bring it back.  The car was so nasty and disgusting I had to have it detailed before I could sell it but I got to sell it without his signature.  Karma 2, Bill 0.
     As far as I know he’s still staying with that guy in a motor home in a camper park and still not working.  The last time I saw him was on October 26th and I just saw him standing outside of the convenience store he hangs out at as I was driving past with Andy.  I think it’s also sort of fitting that the last time I saw him was on that day.  Karma 3, Bill 0. (It’s been over 6 months now since I’ve seen him at all.)
Sorry about the lack of spacing.  It wouldn’t let me add them since I copy/pasted.

Mr GB & Mr 22


I talk to both of them by text now.  I think they’ve talked to each other a little bit too.  Anyway, Mr GB is getting all jealous because I’ll fuck Mr 22 the first time without him.  Wah, wah.

Mr 22 actually called me.  I think I’ll talk to him again tomorrow after I get off work.

Jack’s wife emailed me.  <sigh>  She sent it twice from two of her addresses and she also sent a blank one from his address.  She told me if I answered her question she would go away and leave me alone.  I told her that I told him I didn’t want to be his wife, I wanted him to keep the wife he already had.  Hopefully she’ll go away now.

weird ass shit


Flat out weird.  Jack’s wife followed one of my boards on Pinterest.  So then I learned how to block people there.

Then Mr GB has texted me and said he found us a dick.  Seriously, that’s what he said.  He sent me a pic and it sorta looked familiar, sooooooooooooo I checked my email and sure enough I had an email from the same guy. He’s only 22.

I was also reading the ads on craigslist and I ran across a m4m ad that had a familiar pic in it.  I checked in my email and sure enough there was the same pic.  It’s a married guy that has been emailing me regularly.  Weird, just fucking weird.

Yeah, I read the m4m ads.  All sorts of veeeeeeeeeeeeeery interesting things in those ads.

Cabbages & Kings


When things change they really, really fucking change!!!

Ya’all know Andy told me he was married saturday night.  Well, I went to Liberal on sunday and I was just driving along and Drift Away came on the mp3 and made me cry.  It never has before.  Then on wednesday I saw an ad.  He has an ad on the craigslist where he’s working.  Actually that day he had 3 ads up.  Two of them were for women.  The other one was for a man.  Somehow that’s the one that disturbed me.

I actually replied to one of his ads and said I wished it was me he was hosting.  I thought at the time when I saw the m4m ad that it was him but I wasn’t positive.  So then last night I was going to check that ad again but he had taken all three of those ads down and put up a new one.  He used the same pic that was in the m4m ad.  I can’t unsee what I saw.

Thursday I broke down in my bosses office and told her about Andy being married and not knowing what I want to do.  She gave me some pretty solid advice.

Then last night a guy emailed me after I saw Andy’s new ad and was sure the m4m ad was his too.  I was in just the right mood and went to his hotel and got laid.  It wasn’t the best I ever had but it worked for the time.

I gave him the 5 minute condensed rundown and he asked me one question, Do you want to live in a place of pain?  Uhhh, no, as a matter of fact I don’t.

The pain is Andy, pure and simple.  Between the time I saw Andy’s new ad and when I went to the hotel I put my own ad up on craigslist.  I’ve got emails from at least 2 dozen me so far and there’s at least two of them I’m real interested in.

Oh, Mr Cute Motel is #oops.

And now I have a date with a guy for next saturday night.  I’m going to drive to his house!!