the universe speaks…


So I listened.  I put in an application for a trial court clerk position and I had an interview scheduled for next wednesday.  Had.  This morning the supervisor came in and told me I got a raise.  So.. it made this job pay better than the court clerk position.  But it’s not just the pay either.  There are several reasons to keep my same job.  My company has a match that goes into my Roth IRA.  I don’t have to be vested.  Once it’s in my account, it’s mine.  The insurance in the other job would come out of my wages.  I get an insurance benefit that pays my insurance plus gives me an extra $300 a month in income.  The court positions never get overtime.  I get an hour overtime every week and when the supervisor goes back to working saturday mornings I can get at least 4 hours overtime every week if I want.

The letter


So my mother can’t contact me any other way so she sent me a letter.  It was not a letter of apology.  It was hate filled.  She said I was just being self-centered and vindictive.  Okay.  So I let several people read the letter that know what’s going on and so far not a single person thinks she’s right.  My first cousin (on my father’s side) was floored.  Her daughter-in-law was horrified.

I can’t say that I’m totally surprised by it.  She’s always been hateful and when she makes somebody mad she turns it around and makes it the person who is mad’s fault.  She’s made my sister mad and it was her fault for being mad.  She’s made my Aunt mad and it’s her fault for being mad. So now it’s my fault for being mad.  As far as I know she’s never apologized for a damn thing in her whole life.

She made her choice and now she can just live with it.  The letter sealed it.  I’m done with her, and when I’m done, I’m done.

I do know that for the very first time in my whole fucking life somebody thinks of me first.  SfB sure as hell never did.  He was about as inconsiderate as a person could be.  And of course being a woman, the kids and husband always came first, were always considered first.  Now my kids are grown and it’s just me.  So now, I’m first.  But, just putting yourself first isn’t being self-centered.  I lived with Mr self-centered and inconsiderate for 22 years.  I definitely know the difference.

the neighbor girl


Turns out she’s a little thief.  She stole $20 out of my purse and swore up and down she didn’t.  Then she swiped 3 lighters out of a kitchen drawer.  I won’t be letting her in my apartment anymore.

I also totally blew her away when I told her I had two boyfriends and they know about each other.  And they’re both perfectly okay with it.

Mr GB calls me nearly every day.  He usually says he just wanted to check in with me.  I love his voice.

Andy still emails me and tells me what his schedule is and where he’s going next.  He’s home for a week right now.



He called twice today.  Once from my mother’s phone which goes straight to voice mail and then he used somebody else’s phone and I answered it before I realized where the number was from.  He wants to know what all is in storage.  2 fucking years later and he thinks I’m going to just drop what I’m doing and run down to Liberal so he can pick thru what’s in storage.  No.  Then he says he can come by and pick up the key.  Hell no.  He can just wait until I’m good and goddamn ready to go get it and then he can come get it out of my storage here.

Oh and apparently he has an actual job.  First one in two years.  All of a sudden he’s playing Mr Wonderful again.  Sorry piece of shit.  He’s doing his very best to turn my family against me.

I’ve also pretty much had it with my job.  The “rules” only apply to certain people for one thing.  The woman that’s the supervisor is flat out a bitch.  One minute she’s stomping around the office being all hateful to everybody and the next minute she’s trying to be your best friend.  I’m going to stop on my lunch hour and check into another job.  If it pays enough and she’ll hire me I’ll put in my notice.  Fuck them.  Oh and they’ll be really fucked, I’m the only one that knows how to do my job.  Nobody in the office knows how to write new petitions.  Nobody.  I’ll give them the standard two week notice and I’ll take my vacation time I have coming too.

At least I get to go see Mr GB friday.  That’ll improve the hell out of this week.

the fortune & a feather tattoo


I’m going to get a small feather tattoo on my ass.  I’m going to have Andy’s name worked into it.  I was going to have cracked heart over the top of the feather but I don’t think I will.  I was heartbroken when he left but he’s never actually left me.  I don’t think he’s going to either.

i know I’ve mentioned the fortune I got in the fortune cookie before I met Andy.  It says “A chance meeting with a stranger may soon change your life.”  It’s even truer now than it was when I met him.  He truly did change my life.  But not necessarily in a way you’d expect.  I started doing stair laps after he left.  I promised him I would do them.  Then I started doing the flat laps.  I’ve lost 15 pounds since I met him.  I’m pretty sure I haven’t stopped losing either.  I’m pretty dedicated to doing the laps.  My blood sugar is down and is staying down even though I’m decreasing the insulin.  I’ve gone down 9 units and will probably go down another 2 next week. My blood pressure is awesome.  It’s not even slightly high.  Actually, if it wasn’t for salt I might not have any bp!  LOL

Maybe I’ll get the words from the fortune cookie tattooed around the feather.

I should go over and talk to the tattoo dude and find out how much it will cost me.

getting better!


The weekend with Mr GB was fabulous!  He gave me a foot rub!  Nobody has ever done that.  I’m not telling him those heels don’t make my feet hurt!  LOL  Friday night was good.  Then we goofed off saturday morning and had lunch and then decided we needed a nap.  We had a little fun first and then we both slept for an hour or so.  After we got up we went to the store and got country style pork ribs for supper and he grilled them.  Oh damn were they ever good!!

Saturday night got real intense.  I came home with two hickies on my neck and a bite mark on my arm!  You could just barely see the mark on my arm.

We still haven’t had a third join us yet.  There is a guy in GB that might join us sometime.  We’ll see.

giant happy dance!!!


Mr GB is out of the hospital!!  They’re keeping him on a variety of meds to dissolve the blockage and then they’ll do surgery in October if he still needs it!!

I’ll go see him friday night as soon as I get off work if he doesn’t work.  Of course with all this time off he’s just as likely to work friday.  If he works friday and doesn’t get home too late I’ll go friday but if he’s going to be late I’ll wait until saturday morning to go.  Saturday is supposed to be my monthly sewing get together but since I haven’t been to Mr GB for a whole month I’ll go see him and get there early.

Oh happy dance!!!