Monthly Archives: March 2015



This adds a whole new level of weird.  About 20 minutes after I sent the goodbye email to Andy I got a notification that Jack had me in his circle on google+.  What’s really off the wall is Andy told me at the time the whole thing blew up with Jack that he would get in contact with me again.  He said he had a hunch.

And now there’s Randy.  He’s a truck driver that lives about 2.5 hours away.  I think he’s hot as hell.  What’s kind of odd about that is he’s around 2 years older than I am.  We don’t email, we text.


no long goodbye


I decided not to wait to see if Andy was going to email me.  I quit emailing him the 26th and he hasn’t emailed me either.  So this morning I sent him a very short email telling him it was time to say goodbye.  And it is time to say goodbye.  We had what we had and that’s all it’s ever going to be.  Wishing for something else isn’t productive.

I’ve been talking to two other guys I think are going to work out nicely though.  I think one lives here in town and the other one lives 2.5 hours away.  The one that’s 2.5 hours away says he hasn’t had sex for 2 years.  He knows women have orgasms more than one way too.  I’m intrigued.

Cabbages & Kings


When things change they really, really fucking change!!!

Ya’all know Andy told me he was married saturday night.  Well, I went to Liberal on sunday and I was just driving along and Drift Away came on the mp3 and made me cry.  It never has before.  Then on wednesday I saw an ad.  He has an ad on the craigslist where he’s working.  Actually that day he had 3 ads up.  Two of them were for women.  The other one was for a man.  Somehow that’s the one that disturbed me.

I actually replied to one of his ads and said I wished it was me he was hosting.  I thought at the time when I saw the m4m ad that it was him but I wasn’t positive.  So then last night I was going to check that ad again but he had taken all three of those ads down and put up a new one.  He used the same pic that was in the m4m ad.  I can’t unsee what I saw.

Thursday I broke down in my bosses office and told her about Andy being married and not knowing what I want to do.  She gave me some pretty solid advice.

Then last night a guy emailed me after I saw Andy’s new ad and was sure the m4m ad was his too.  I was in just the right mood and went to his hotel and got laid.  It wasn’t the best I ever had but it worked for the time.

I gave him the 5 minute condensed rundown and he asked me one question, Do you want to live in a place of pain?  Uhhh, no, as a matter of fact I don’t.

The pain is Andy, pure and simple.  Between the time I saw Andy’s new ad and when I went to the hotel I put my own ad up on craigslist.  I’ve got emails from at least 2 dozen me so far and there’s at least two of them I’m real interested in.

Oh, Mr Cute Motel is #oops.

And now I have a date with a guy for next saturday night.  I’m going to drive to his house!!

Day After Day…


I’m more confused.

I don’t know what I want or what I’m going to do.  I know I want to be with Andy more now than ever before.  However, he is married and is not at all likely to change that.  Plus his employer’s contract will end in June and he’s likely to go back to Afghanistan or Iraq.  Because he is married if something happens to him I would never know it.

He hasn’t really said much about his marriage either.  Of course he just told me the last time we were together so we didn’t really spend much time discussing it.

Plus I found his ad on craigslist for where he is now.  It didn’t make me mad at all.  It just made me really kind of sad for both of us.

I do know that what would be best for me would be to find a man here but that doesn’t look real likely to happen.

Give me the beat boys and free my soul. I wanna get lost in your rock and roll and drift away.



Andy drove 4 hours yesterday to get here.  He left about 8:30 this morning and he’ll drive 4 hours back to his work site.

We had sex 4 times last night and twice this morning.  He came twice last night and once this morning.  For me I can’t keep track.

He won’t say it but I know he cares a whole lot.  If he didn’t I don’t think he would spend 8 hours driving to spend 16 hours with me.  I have my fingers crossed he gets to come back one more time before he leaves this job site.

The Penis File


So I get a lot of email from the craigslist ad.  When you ask men to send you a pic and you’re not specific, probably a full 80% of the time you get a penis pic.  So I decided that I should create a file and keep all the pics.  I created the file the 5th and I already have 7 pics.

There are a couple of them I think I might go out with.  One of them has an OMG penis.  I kid you not.  It’s huge, his hand doesn’t go all the way around it in the pic!!!

The emails from the ad can be pretty entertaining.  I get quite a few that I know are not from Americans just by the word usage.  One guy said he was African but claimed later on he was born in NYC and he used the word “wondrous.”  Oh yeah, that’s a word lots of Americans use.  He said that if we became “exclusive couple” (another clue) he would fly out and we would be married this summer.  Not just no, but no fucking way no.  He got all pissed off when I told him I wouldn’t marry somebody so they could get a green card and informed me he had a PhD and that would give him green card.  But I thought you were born in NYC???  So easy to trip up.