I had a date with my hubby yesterday and one of the things we talked about was the whole “bff” mess.
After having some more time to think it over I have decided I don’t need her back in my life.
I don’t think I was ever actually welcomed to her home. It was the third day I was there when she got all pissed off when she was connecting my desktop computer up. There was no actual reason for her to do that. I’ve been connecting my own computer up for well over 10 years. My monitor has developed two, one pixel wide blue lines. She was convinced that I didn’t have it connected right or I had a bent pin or something was loose. I have been telling her it was the monitor since the first line appeared. (it’s over 10 years old) But of course I couldn’t possibly know what I was talking about since she’s the expert. Of course when the computer was turned on the two blue lines appeared. During the process she informed me that “we’re trying to accommodate you as best we can.” Then she slapped a coaster down on the desk and stomped off. She did apologize the next morning but it didn’t feel genuine and it changed the way I felt about being there.
There were lots of other little things like that that would piss her off. She got all nasty about me identifying birds. She put up a couple of bird feeders and it wasn’t long before there were tons of finches and a few chickadees at the feeders. I suppose I irritated her when I looked up the “woodpeckers” and told her they were actually Red Northern Flickers. Then one day I saw two other little birds on the ground and got out the binoculars and the bird book and identified them as chipping sparrows. I told her about them and a day or two later I got a really snippy email informing me that the “sparrows” were female finches. This is a woman that needs glasses and doesn’t wear them and uses opera glasses. I have a pair of 10x binoculars. It’s like looking at the bird in your hand. Not only that but I actually look the birds up in a bird book. Then about a week later suddenly she “discovered” two new birds in the yard. Amazingly they were chipping sparrows.
Then there was the whole backseat driver nonsense. I’ve been driving since I was 13. She has never driven one mile in her entire life nor has she ever taken a driving test. She has “special” eyes that glasses can’t correct so she can’t see well enough to drive. I call bs. I see double out of one eye and the other one won’t focus with either of those images so I see triple but they can correct my vision. But she’s the expert and will tell you things like “now this is a real sharp corner” “this is a tricky intersection to get thru so you have to be in the left lane”. The people in the right lane didn’t seem to have any problem. Then of course she’s always shouting to “look out for that guy!!! he’s going to change lanes.” Duh. I knew that way the hell before she did and that’s why I slowed down so the guy would have room to do that. The day when that came to a head was the day she insisted I had to drive in the left lane because we were going to take a left turn. The left turn was at least 8 miles across town. I drive just at the speed limit or just below the speed limit so traffic goes around me and most of the time I’m not driving in traffic. Of course if I’m driving the speed limit in the left lane on a two lane street I’m obstructing traffic. I hate backseat drivers. Just tell me where we’re going. Don’t tell me how to drive.
Even though she didn’t seem very welcoming she sure didn’t have any problem taking advantage of the fact that I could drive her around and started scheduling her doctor’s appointments so I could take her so her hubby didn’t have to take time off work or spend his day off hauling her ass to multiple doctors. She sees about 6 doctors regularly. Yeah, at least 6 doctors. She sat one day bawling her eyes out about how she’s not vain but she’s hideous now. The weight gain is totally related to the drugs she takes. Don’t want to be “hideous” don’t take drugs that make you fat. She goes on and on about how she has such a high pain tolerance but at least half the drugs she takes are for pain. She takes Lyrica, Tramadol, Vicodan, Valium and smokes pot and hash on top of it. And those are just the pain meds. She takes a whole bunch of other stuff too. If I remember right she said she takes 17 different meds every day. She frequently decides that she has some dire illness and seeks out a new specialist for a new diagnosis and adds to her meds. I know that she does actually have some medical problems but so far she hasn’t been able to get a diagnosis for anything really severe or life threatening.
When hubby and I were talking over dinner he mentioned something I hadn’t considered. We were talking about the fight they had and hubby said it might have been because they had decided they were getting a live in maid. Too bad I wasn’t aware of that. There’s no way I would have knocked myself out cleaning that filthy house. One morning I got up and she was sitting on the kitchen floor cleaning it with a rag and a bucket of water. (she just can’t stand up and push a mop around and of course if she got a floor steamer so she could get it spotless in less than 20 minutes then she wouldn’t have anything to be pissy about) She seemed to be in a really foul mood about it like I was somehow responsible for it being dirty. Thinking back on it I’m thinking she was pissed because I didn’t have it already cleaned.
I realized that she’s been getting all pissy and mad about things for years now. I know that I’ve pissed her off several times in email over the years but I just ignored it. It’s a lot harder to ignore that kind of behavior in person.
And the longer I was there the worse the bullshit got. I was widowed not long after we first met so she knew about a lot of my “exploits” during the next 13 years when I was single. Apparently the jealousy has been eating away at her all these years and she started telling me all these tales of her “exploits” from high school. Yeah, high school. Because I didn’t know the people she went to high school with. Except I did know some of the people she went to high school with and from what they’ve told me she was Miss Mousy Brown Wallhugger. But to hear her tell it she was Most Popular on the dating scene and had sex with at least half a dozen different guys. Except I’m pretty sure she told me years and years ago that she’d only given blow jobs and was still a virgin when she got married. And she was engaged to her first husband by the time she was 17 and she moved away to another state for her senior year and got married just days after graduation.
For the most part I’m not one to question somebody or call them on their bs. I just let people go on and on and hang themselves with their own bullshit. I lost track of how much bs she tried to convince me of.
One of the things she goes on and on about is the biker thing. We both lived in a really small town when we first met. There was a small MC there but they were within a larger, nationwide club’s territory so they were being absorbed by the larger club. Of course there were several parties involved in the process. Some of this happened before I moved to the small town so I wasn’t at the first few parties. So naturally she could tell me all sorts of tales and I wouldn’t be any the wiser. Wrong. Just because I wasn’t there in the beginning doesn’t mean I didn’t know about anything that went on before I got there. The guys I was friends with barely even knew who she was. And none of the ones from out of town had a clue who she was. She’d also go on and on about how she missed riding so much. Yeah. Her first husband had a 750 Yamaha and never took her any where and was the laughing stock at all the parties he showed up at. I know that because the real bikers told me about it.
Another one of the things she goes on and on about is being her first husband’s “trophy wife.” LOL!!! She was dumpy when I met when she was 17. She had no figure, mousy brown hair and really bad teeth. But I guess when you’re almost middle class and marry white trash that qualifies you to be a “trophy wife.” Her first hubby really was 100% white trash too. He barely had an 8th grade education, couldn’t read (except the TV guide), rarely worked and his mother was a crazy cat lady hoarder. Out of the 16 years they were married he might have worked a total of a year. I don’t think he ever worked more than 2 months at a job at the longest.